Dear Harry: My father died last year. He was 80 years old, and he was supposedly married to a woman who was 31 years his junior. I tried to find some evidence of the marriage, but I could not. In his obituary, it never stated that they were married . . . merely that she was his long-term companion. I tried to find out if they were really married, but I couldn't, so I retained a lawyer to try to find out. I also think that she never divorced her first husband. This lawyer sent her two letters asking her for evidence of the divorce and marriage, but he got no response. That was it. I paid him a retainer, but he never really got the information I hired him for. My father left no will that we could find, and I now want to get his estate settled. How can I do this with her still claiming that she is his widow?

What Harry says: This is not a "do-it-yourself" situation. You should get a lawyer who will attempt to have you appointed administrator of the estate. At that point, this woman will have to prove that she and your father were legally married in order to receive any part of his estate. If she opposes your appointment, she may have to prove it then. It is not unusual to see an older man married to a much younger woman, so it is quite possible that your suspicions are unfounded. *

Write Harry Gross c/o the Daily News, 400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130. Harry urges all his readers to give blood - contact the American Red Cross at 800-GIVE LIFE.